Under-appreciated, Unsupported

This last week has been a roller coaster. Plain and simple. It started out with an amazing conversation with the Haas' that was full of encouragement, support and love. They are just amazing people and the positivity that comes from them is palpable. It was the kind of conversations people really need to hear everyday, not just once in a blue moon or when they really need it. It always nice to know someone has your back no matter what you do.

I was excited about this weekend as it was Strong Conference and it was going to be my first men's conference. I was about as excited as I could be. Even though it probably didn't look it. (I'm working on that... I think) However, the morning of the conference I had a conversation, that I didn't realize until later, was the complete opposite of the one I had previously. It was full of indifference and left me feeling discouraged, like I was on my own and it was my fault.

It pretty much ruined my whole day and tainted every interaction I had all the way up to the start time of Strong. I was still running it through my mind. How could they say that. How could anyone, after learning that a someone's family member has cancer and has given up, say "I understand you are going through a family situation but this is more important..." I just couldn't rationally find an explanation.... I felt under-appreciated  and unsupported like a perfectly good bench being overcome by vines.

That family member is my aunt... and she passed the very next day. 

I was already physically sick and now this. So this week wasn't going so well, but they support I got from Freedom House Church was amazing. Plus, I get to spend some quality time (one of my 3 love languages) with the FHInterns, who are full love and support, so I knew I would get through this week.

This week we were tasked with giving a lesson based on a principle from Joseph with little preparation. My principle was, "Doing good for others even when the world does bad to you." How when you are in a pit, a bad situation, caught between a rock and a hard place and you are waiting on God to just pull you out of it... you still do good to those around you... even if it won't help your situation.

I had no idea how relevant this would be to my life. Not because of what has happened but because maybe an hour after teaching that lesson... I lost my job. When it rains, it pours, no? 

I lost trust in people because people I thought were on my side were in actuality playing for the other team, but instead of dwelling on the situation. I was thinking about the opportunities available to me now, which were much more important. Now I could go to a Lockout with my youth group and connect with many more guys. Like Joseph in prison, I acknowledged that I'm in a bad situation, that this is the worst week I can remember, but its ok.

I don't have a game plan. I don't know God's game plan. I don't even know my family's game plan. I'm pretty much living minute by minute, but its ok.

Ok? Yes. Its in the past and while my family, financial situation, character and health were all attacked severely, I'm still a man of God and my head is still up high. Being beaten by the devil is a choice and that is one I don't plan on being ready to make.